Your Egoic Story Unveiled

Your inner critic

Firstly, when I say ego, I’m not talking about being arrogant, I’m referring to your inner identity. There’s a little voice, you hear, that pipes up when you start contemplating your goals—a new car, watch, job, career, relationship. 

Maybe you seek to be a father someday or to move country, start a company, or finally get on with writing that book on a topic close to your heart.

The voice says, “no… wait, not yet, because...”

And proceeds to rattles off reasons as to why you cannot have this thing yet. Doubt sets in. The voice offers to help where you feel inherently lacking…

It believes that you’re broken

I call this voice "shook man." But generally, people refer to it as ego. Our egos were formed with the idea that we are somehow broken and we need to remedy this brokenness so that we can survive day to day in life.

No matter what arises, good or bad, the first thought is always, “we are broken and therefore” the voice continues with a plan of action based on this fundamental belief of brokenness.

Don’t believe me? Consider that holiday you’ve been wanting to take - the one to that exotic tropical island. Yes, that one. Think of it now, how you’d like to go there soon.

What was that? What just happened… the voice spoke... What did it say?

“No, not yet, we can’t possibly go there because of…” <insert plausible reason i.e. time, money or not having some other resource to account for the obstacle in your path.

And this isn’t unique to your life circumstances either - rich or poor, there will be an excuse, busy or unencumbered, there will be an excuse.

This is your ego. This is your ego trying to help you.

It’s frustrating when you see your ego. Awareness is nice, but awareness is not a fix. Awareness is a window to the ego, but awareness alone won’t counter the effects of the ego.

What you need to know about ego

Now, to explain why I call it Shook Man. "Shook" is East London speak for “fearful.” I called him Shook Man because he’s always afraid. A fun game I played with friends. A game that became instrumental in overcoming my ego.

Note: I said, overcome and not destroy or eradicate. There is no eradicating the ego because in reality, it doesn’t exist. It’s made up. It’s a complex clockwork of automated decision-making processes that you have built into your psyche to help you navigate reality.

And what’s more, there are two key aspects of your ego. One which is nice and logical and the other one, not so nice.

Nice and logical side to ego

On one side, your ego is the personality vehicle you inhabit on earth. It gives you a story and a persona to manoeuvre through your lifetime. Without it, your life would be a blank book. I realise this may be a big thing for you to be acknowledging right now. But this is what it is.

Consider at birth you were a blank slate. By the age of 4-5 your ego was already well-formed and your story began. After that young age, everything you experience in life is connected to early decisions you made about what life is and how life is for you.

When I was five, during Eid (a Muslim holiday), the tradition was to give money to children as a gift. My father gave me £10. I was pleased, until I saw a young boy leaving the mosque, with what I still recall, was what appeared to be a thick wad of cash in his hands.

Immediately, I decided that this is how life must be for me: others have more, and I have less. Crazy, but even as I type this, it resonates with me like a fundamental truth.

I also realise that I never considered a wider context for why this child had a wad of cash. Perhaps he was just holding it. But for me at the time, I made a firm decision based on how I felt, and I carried that decision throughout my life, turning it into a belief—even until now.

In this way, regardless of my desire, my Shook Man will pop up and remind me of my beliefs, deeply rooted in my psyche, and suggest solutions on how I may fix the belief to achieve my desires.

Then instead of logically dealing with an A to B problem (e.g., If my desire is to go to Brazil, therefore I must make a budget, allocate cash, book a ticket, etc.), my Shook Man will say, “Brazil!? That’s going to be really expensive, right? We are going to need a lot of money first—don’t book anything yet. Let’s figure out how we are going to be worthy enough to have a lot of money.”

And even if I have sufficient funds, my Shook Man shakes his head, “no, don’t risk the money in hand, because you won’t be able to make more.”

And so Shook Man and I dance in a circle around my desire. I'm sure you're beginning to recognise your own pattern and how frustrating it is to live with this character.

The not so nice side to ego

Essentially, if you're unable to break out of this pattern in your life, you are stuck.

Progress will be made, but slowly and with much anxiety and stress. It's like trudging waist-deep through a swamp every time you recognize you really want something. It is deflating. It is excruciating to live like this all the time.

This is the thing about the ego, which isn't so nice—it’s draining your time, energy, and life force.

‘Tick - Tock’ goes the grandfather clock of your life, and if you're always living in this patterned cycle, years will fly by, and you will always feel like you've somehow fallen short of your potential.

Granted, you may not feel stuck—your life may well be moving at a fast pace. But in some way, if you're living through the viewpoint of the beliefs of your wounded and broken ego, you will never feel satisfied, fulfilled, or gratitude for your life.

What’s the solution to ego?

And now for the GOOD NEWS! Your ego is only one part of your human experience. You also have a Soul, and in contrast to your ego, your Soul feels whole, not broken, and is brimming with possibility and love for all the things you desire. It is, in fact, what draws you towards your desires in life.

Together, your ego and soul can work magic to make your life truly a marvellous, miraculous experience. Like a 4x4 Jeep (your ego) and its inbuilt sat-nav (your soul’s heart), you can go anywhere. But that is a tale for another article.

The key point in this article is to recognise the ego as the vehicle and not the director of your experiences. It is only when you embrace this as fact that you can start listening to the direction of your soul and accept that what you love is, in fact, what you love.

Otherwise, no matter how hard you try, your ego will always chime in to let you know just how ridiculous you are for thinking you can follow your heart.

Try this exercise:

If you’d like to get a sense of your Shook Man’s tale, try this exercise:

1- Pick a problem or challenge you are currently facing and write it down in one short sentence (e.g., My house got flooded).

2- Write 5 thoughts you are having about this problem (hint: thoughts, not feelings, e.g. Why does this always happen to me? Life is so tough. I don't know what to do, etc.).

3- Write 5 emotions you feel in relation to this problem (hint: these are all negative emotions, e.g., sad, angry, overwhelmed, etc.)

4- Write 5 definitions of yourself in relation to the problem starting with "I am" (e.g., I am powerless, I am incapable, I am unable to do anything, etc.)

5- Write 5 definitions of others in relation to the problem starting with "Others are" (e.g., Others are better than me, Others are smarter, Others are more knowledgeable)

6- Write 5 definitions of how you see the world in relation to the problem, starting with "the world is" (e.g., The world is unfair, the world is too complicated, the world is against me)

7 - Read through your answers above, starting with the problem, then imagine these details described a character in a film and write a sentence that sums up the core theme of their characters belief (e.g., For the example about the house, I might say… "They are powerless in this world")

This is your Shook Man's Tale and egoic view of life!

Pro tip: For step 7, you may find it useful to have a friend help you come up with a theme—it's easier for someone who is not caught up in the story.

Next steps

Firstly, knowing your egoic story is key to overcoming it. If it remains a mystery and hidden, you can do nothing about it - but when you recognise the negative thought patterns and understand it’s origins you wield the power to choose your actions and change your life.

To take your knowledge further, sign up to our email list (click here) and you’ll be gifted a wonderfully illustrated guide about Shook Man, including further steps. Plus we will notify you when we release new articles, talks and workshops to help you on your journey to your best self.

Got Questions?

If you have any questions about Shook Man or the information shared today, you can email us at hello@shookman.com or connect with us on instagram.